


What Could've Been

by FaeOfStars



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (it's more bitter than sweet but oh well), (it's not a big part of the story but it's there), (it's only by a few days though... keith was almost 21 give him a break), (more of a background character honestly), Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Highschool / College AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Minor Character Death, Pining Keith (Voltron), Trans Keith (Voltron), Underage Drinking, because it is very disappointing, don't bother reading this if you don't wanna be disappointed, some spicy make out sessions towards the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-10-28 00:59:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10820397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaeOfStars/pseuds/FaeOfStars
Summary: "I hesitated to type, realizing what his last reply meant. He... liked me? I could feel my face heat up a bit more and I peered through my dark bangs to avoid letting him see the redness of my cheeks. His expression still held a hint of anxiousness, but he now wore a small smile on his face as he stared at me, waiting for me to respond. My fingers hovered over the keyboard, unknowing of what to press. Before my fingers could touch a single key, I saw letters begin to appear on the document. Lance was typing again.'im sorry I shouldnt have said that'Finally, my fingers moved.'No, no. It's fine! I just... I don't know. I didn't expect that.'"--Keith was in love with Lance. Lance liked him back. It should have been simple from there, but unfortunately, life doesn't always work out the way it should.





	What Could've Been

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm nowhere near finished with my last Klance fic, but I wanted to take a break from it.
> 
> This is like, heavily based off of events in my own life in the beginning, so it might be a little out of character. Hopefully not too much. The middle/end is completely fictional though. This is pretty much... a vent fic?? I don't know. But maybe you'll enjoy it. Or not, because it's extremely disappointing.

   My chin rested on my hand as I half-listened to the teacher's lecture while the other half of my mind was lost in thought. Class had just started a few minutes ago, but it felt way longer. That's how the last class always felt, though. I frowned and fixed my eyes on my laptop in front of me. I already finished taking notes as early as usual, so I had nothing else to do. At this point, the teacher would go in more detail about the topic, but I didn't care for the details. All I needed was the big picture. I still kept an ear open in case he talked about something that wasn't covered in the notes.

   "Are you okay?" I heard somebody ask quietly to me.

   I brought my head up and looked in the direction of the voice. Lance sat diagonal from me at our table and he watched me carefully with curious blue eyes and a slight tilt of the head. I was trying to hide that fact that I was bothered, but he must have picked up on it. He usually could read my emotions like a book. I shrugged and tried to fix my posture so that I looked more bored than depressed. It didn't work that well, because after a few minutes, Lance whispered to me again.

   "Keith, get on the doc."

   I nodded at him and opened a new tab on my browser and went to my Google Drive. Lance and I had a shared document between us that we would use to have conversations in class. It was like the modern day method of passing notes, except that it was much less obvious, especially since we were supposed to be typing notes on the laptop anyways. Lance frequently deleted what we wrote so that there was a lower chance of somebody reading it, so usually when I opened the document, it was blank. This time, however, there was already a sentence awaiting me.

  _please tell me whats going on keith_

   I paused to look at him before typing.

  _Why would you think something's going on?_

   My eyes moved back to his face in time to catch him rolling his eyes at me.

  _I can tell when somethings wrong im not stupid I know you_

_Fine. You got me. Hold on. Give me time to type this all out._

I glanced at the board, pretending to be taking notes, although that was pretty unnecessary. My teachers always trusted me to be on task. I may be hotheaded and moody most of the time, but I always made sure to get my work done. After taking the time to think of my wording, I began to type out a long explanation of what was currently going on in my life, including my issues at home, fears over people seeing my arms, and my relationship problems. While typing, I self-consciously pulled my sleeves so they covered the bottom part of my palms.

  _keith holy shit_  
_thats still going on? that sucks I was hoping that would have blown over by now_  
_you shouldnt have to feel so unsafe at home_  
_and you seriously need to stop hurting yourself  
__thats not good_

_Yeah, and I know. I just don't know what to do, Lance._

   I kept looking to Lance after every response I typed, curious about his reaction. His eyes were wide and his expression overall was filled with pain and worry. My chest began to ache a little knowing that I was the one that made him feel those emotions. I avoided his gaze and returned my eyes to the document. The entire conversation, with the exception of what I typed last, were highlighted by Lance and promptly deleted.

_okay  
_ _theres obviously not much you can do but can you try to distance yourself from your parents? you know to keep yourself safe?_

_Yes, I'm doing that now._

_good keep doing that try to stay in your room if you can  
_ _also you have to promise me that youll stop with the cutting_

_I'll try._

_you better_

 Lance erased the conversation at this point and started typing again.

_im here for you buddy :)  
_ _dont keep bottling this all up just tell me_

_Okay, thanks._

_also???? i didnt know you and your bf were having problems  
_ _what happened there?_

_Eh... It's not really so much as problems as it is me just.. not feeling it._  
_Like, I love him, of course, but I think I'm starting to realize that it's not really that way?  
_ _I still want to be around him cause I don't dislike him, but more of just a friend. I don't think I like him romantically._

_oh well that happens sometimes_  
_you cant force relationships and it would be better for you both if you dont feel the same way he does_  
_but thats your decision to make dont let me ruin things_  
_I would hate if I was the one to mess it up  
_ _thats just my advice its up to you dude_

_I don't know. I just don't want him to think I'm leaving him for somebody else._

_why would he think that?_

   I froze. Oh man, I really shouldn't have typed that. Knowing myself, I was about to make things awkward. Sometimes I wished I actually thought things through and wasn't so impulsive.

_Umm... Well, I think I have a crush on somebody else..._

   I started to feel my face heat up as I looked back up at Lance. He raised an eyebrow as he read my reply and stared at me. He looked like he was piecing a puzzle together in his head, causing my heart to beat so rapidly that I felt like I was about to spontaneously combust. Suddenly, it seemed like things clicked for Lance because his eyebrow lowered back into its original position and cheesy smile spread across his face. He let out a quiet laugh before typing again.

_awwwwwww :)_  
_thats so sweet  
_ _I can see why you have a crush on me_

   This time, I didn't allow myself to look at Lance. He knew. How did he know it was him? I knew Lance could read me, but not this well.

_I never said it was you. :/_

_you didnt have to_  
_like I said before I know you  
_ _im right arent I?_

_Yeah..._

_wow im so good at this_  
_like I always had my suspicions but I doubted them_  
_because you already have a boyfriend_  
_but I was right_  
_you LIKE me  
_ _this is probably really awkward for you haha_

_Kinda._

_well if it makes you feel any less awkward.._  
_once upon a time  
_ _I had a crush on you too_

   I hesitated to type, realizing what his last reply meant. He... liked me? I could feel my face heat up even more and I peered through my dark bangs to avoid letting him see the redness of my cheeks. His expression still held a hint of anxiousness from earlier, but his smile grew as he stared at me, waiting for me to respond. My fingers hovered over the keyboard, unknowing of what to press. Before my fingers could touch a single key, I saw letters begin to appear on the document. Lance was typing again.

  _im sorry I shouldnt have said that_

   Finally, my fingers moved.

_No, no. It's fine! I just... I don't know. I didn't expect that._

_I understand_  
_but umm..._  
_dont let this have any impact on you two  
_ _please talk to him_

_I will._

_and hypothetically if we did date_  
_HYPOTHETICALLY_  
_it would probably be a fucking mess_  
_like you would realize how disgusting I really am  
_ _and you would hate me_

_I already think you're disgusting._

_but you like me???_

_Shut up. :P_

_you think im disgusting and you still looovveee me_

_Lance!_

_haha im sorry ill stop_

   Bags being unzipped and opened could be heard throughout the class, signalling that it was almost over. There were still about five minutes left, but this class always seemed to pack up early. I wanted to say more to Lance, but I couldn't find the words so I just stared blankly at my screen. A girl at the table next to us stood up and walked to Lance. She was one of his many, many friends. She started messing with Lance's hair as she looked over his shoulder. A jolt of jealousy went through me and I wished that she would just stop touching him. She was this touchy with all of her friends, so it shouldn't bother me, but the fact that it was Lance she was messing with threatened to set me off.

  "What's this?" she asked, obviously referring to the document.

   Words disappeared from the document, meaning that Lance deleted the conversation again, keeping the last two sentences.

   "Oh, it's a Google doc that I have shared with one of my _close_ friends," Lance explained, putting emphasis on close. "I just talk to them on here."

   "That's cool," she replied, taking her hands off of Lance. Thank god. "Who are you talking to?"

   "None of your business," he said, sticking his tongue out at her.

   She rolled her eyes at him and smiled, "Real mature, Lance."

   He grinned at her before turning his head towards me.

   "Hey, Keith. Wait around after class for me," he instructed.

   Once the bell rang, I stuck around in the classroom, patiently waiting for Lance to pack his stuff up. He always took his time packing up and seemed so carefree with it. Sometimes I wondered how he managed to get to all of his classes on time. By the time he swung his bag over his shoulders and fixed his jacket, the rest of the class was gone. I followed him as he left the room. As soon as we were outside of the classroom, he took a few steps away from the now closed door and then stopped walking, checking to make sure the hall was empty. I gave him a look of confusion.

   He motioned his head towards my arm as he spoke, "Can I see it?"

   I bit my lip. I didn't really want to show him all that much, but I lifted my arm up anyways with the palm of my hand facing towards the ceiling. He gently rolled my sleeve up to my elbow and observed the self-inflicted wounds that were exposed to him. His eyes seemed to turn to a different shade of blue that accurately reflected the sorrow he felt at the sight. After basking in it for only a few seconds, he pulled the sleeve back down to allow me to hide them once again.

   "You're lucky that you heal fast," he whispered to me.

   "I know."

   Suddenly, Lance's arms were wrapped tightly my torso and his hands gripped at the back of my shirt. He rested his chin on my shoulder, making it so that when he spoke, I could feel the movements of his jaw and his words left behind a breeze on my ear.

   "I care about you, Keith. Please, start talking to me about these kinds of things more. And stop hurting yourself. You're being hurt enough by others. You don't need to add to the pain yourself," he told me softly.

   I could notice the way his arms shook slightly while they were pressed against me. I couldn't see his face, but it seemed like he was trying to hold back tears. If me hurting myself would hurt Lance this much like it did now, I didn't want to do it ever again. It'd be hard to prevent myself from doing it, but I couldn't stand to make Lance be this way. After escaping my temporarily paralysis from the shock of initial contact, I returned Lance's embrace and ignored that fact that my arms stung horribly because of it. Almost immediately after I hugged him backed, he removed his arms from me, letting his hands linger at my shoulders for a few moments. Right away, I began craving contact with him again, but I knew it was time to go home. If I took too long and made it to my house a few minutes later than usual, I could risk a severe punishment.

   "I need to go now," I said. "I promise I'll talk to you more, though. I'll try my best."

   "Okay. Stay safe and take care of yourself," he called out to me as I moved towards the exit of the school.

   Lance stood in place and watched my every step, refusing to budge until I was out of the doors and no longer visible to him.

~★☆★~

   September, October, November, December... January. The months flew by without me realizing and now it was the beginning of a new year. Most students enjoyed the joys of winter break, but I was one who dreaded it and counted down the days left until we could return to school. Four more days. Four more days until I could be free and safe for a few hours each day.

   I told myself at the beginning of winter break that I would talk to Lance and maybe even hang out with him. Each time I attempted to message him, my eyes would linger far too long on the message I had typed on and I would begin to think I was being too weird and delete it all. This whole break, I didn't message him at all. I wondered if he would even notice or care. After all, he didn't message me either. I haven't had a real conversation with him since the one from the document back in September. Any conversation we did have after that was mostly full of bad jokes (from him, of course), questions about what we were doing in class, and small talk.

   Even though I didn't message him, I still would check up on him. Luckily for me, Lance was an avid user of Snapchat. Almost daily, he'd upload a story about whatever he was doing. Half of his stories had something to do with his small white dog, which I always thought was ugly but in a cute way, if that makes sense. Sometimes, though, his story included snaps of himself with his bright, goofy smile that I loved so much. Even with the hell of my life going on, seeing Lance smile always made me smile too. It was so contagious.

   I opened the app on my phone and the bright yellow start screen flashed in my face. I always complained about the color and wished they would tone it down a little, but Lance loved it. He once told me that it was like the sun and it made him feel warm when he saw it. Before the camera could load, I swiped the screen to the left to pull up the stories from my friends. To no surprise, there was one from Lance. I tapped on his username, _Lonz41_ . It was a silly mispronunciation of his name and his favorite number, which I found stupidly adorable. In contrast, my username was _KeiththeStarboy_ , but I knew Lance had set my nickname on his account as _Keef_. After tapping, Lance's story appeared on the screen. There were more shots of his dog and plenty of poorly drawn doodles as usual. I grinned at the photos and it was kinda strange how happy they made me, but then an out of the ordinary picture popped on the screen and my heart sunk to my stomach.

   Lance occasionally posted selfies, but rarely did he have pictures of him with someone else. Yet, the photo my eyes saw showed him sitting very close to a girl I didn't recognize and both wore smiles on their faces. The picture itself made me feel a little uneasy, but it was the caption that made me feel like my chest was being torn apart fiber by fiber. " _the cutest couple there ever was_ " Lance... had a girlfriend. He was dating the girl in the photo. For once in my life, Lance's smile didn't spread to me. Instead, tears threatened to escape my eyes. How long had they been dating? It couldn't have been long. He made a joke about being single before winter break. I remembered it clearly because at the time, I thought to myself that I would gladly fix his problem. The picture seemed to stay on my screen for much much longer than ten seconds, being burned into my pupils. Finally, it switched to a shot with fruit with faces doodled on them. The innocence and familiarity of it almost seemed to tease me after seeing the last picture. Being the last photo in the story, my phone screen then returned to the page showing the all of the stories from my friends. I swiped out of the app and dropped my phone by my side. I rolled over in my bed and shoved my face into my pillow, partially hoping that it would smother me to death. I forced myself to not burst out crying.

~★☆★~

   Usually I wasn't nervous to go back to school, but today was different. I was obviously excited to see Lance again after having no real contact with him for three weeks straight, but I didn't want to face the fact that Lance was in a relationship. All day, I avoided eye contact with anyone and everyone, even the few friends I had. I kept my head down, constantly having a view of my worn out shoes. I had an almost all new schedule besides one class, but two of my new classes were taught by teachers I had before. I decided that in those classes, I could get away with not participating with the welcome back introduction activities that we always did at the start of a semester. I was spaced out for most of the day, so it surprised me when it was already the second to the last class.

   I made my way into the classroom and sat at the empty middle table. A mix of people began to fill the room after me, some that I recognized and some that I didn't. Eventually, three people sat at my table and I didn't know any of the three. The bell rang and I took a quick glance around the room to examine my new classmates. I wasn't friends with anyone in the room and there were actually a few people in there that I hated. Great. I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms over my chest. The teacher began to introduce himself, but was soon interrupted by the door opening. Normally, I'd turn my head to see what the disruption was, but I decided to ignore it and keep my eyes glued to my desk. It wasn't until the disruption spoke that I moved my head to the familiar voice.

   "Oh man, sorry for being late. I had to stay behind last hour."

  _Lance_.

   I didn't know what to feel as he handed the teacher his pass and checked the room for an open seat. Part of me was relieved that Lance was in this class because it meant that I had somebody I knew in here and didn't hate. But the other part of me noticed my stomach churning in nervousness, wishing that I could have avoided Lance a bit longer to allow myself to get over him and accept that he had a girlfriend that he didn't even bother to tell me about. The class had picked up in chatter while Lance made his way to the table behind me. Of course he'd pick the seat directly behind me. I realized how close together the desks were place when his chair lightly grazed mine as he pulled it out to take a seat there. The teacher called for the attention of the class and continued his introduction. As he was going over the expectations for the class, he told us that the most important rule was to respect ourselves. At that note, I felt something kick me in the leg, seemingly harder than it was meant to be. I turned around and saw Lance giving me a look that told me, "Yeah, respect yourself, Keith".  I rolled my eyes at him and rotated myself so I was back to facing the person sitting in front of me.

   After he was done, he took attendance (thank god I've had him as a teacher before and he knew my preferred name) and told us about our first assignment. It was simple. All we had to do was make a nameplate for ourselves so our teacher could get to know us; just write our name and draw three pictures. As students stood up to gather the supplies needed, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I sighed, knowing exactly who it was and hesitated for a second before turning to face him. He eyes were widened a bit and the corners of his lips feel downwards as he spoke.

   "Dude, Keith. Please sit next to me," Lance practically begged.

   I gazed my eyes over the strangers sitting at the table with me before giving into Lance's request. It was a small squeeze to make my way to the seat next to him since the desks were ridiculously close together on that side of the classroom, but I managed to get through without hitting anybody.

   "I'll go get the paper," Lance announced to the table as I sat down. I brought my eyes up to meet my new table mates and again, I didn't recognize either of them, but it was sure better than sitting at my last table, which was now to my back.

   Once Lance was back at the table with the paper, which he was the last of the people to return with paper leaving our group in an awkward silence, we all began to work on our assignment. Lance has tried to write his name in bubble letters, but gave up once he reached the "n" in his name and wrote it normally. I spent time writing my name much neater than my usual handwriting in all capital letters and began to doodle stars all over the sheet. I also did a quick sketch of myself, but soon ran out of ideas on what to draw next. I shifted my eyes to look at Lance's work to see that he was taking his time to draw one of his favorite video game characters. I could feel the corners of my mouth rise up as I observed his drawing. Lance was such a dork. Somehow my eyes had drifted to Lance himself and I ended up staring at his features for a few minutes before an idea sparked in my head.

   I quickly pulled out my colored pencils from my bag and lightly outlined a rectangle above where I wrote my name. I filled the rectangle in with the colors of the rainbow. Once it was completely colored, I used a pencil to draw a small heart in the lower left corner of the rectangle, the respective spot of where Lance sat at the table. I kept my hand over it, not allowing anybody else at the table to see it, just in case they would catch onto what it meant, although I doubt they would. Still covering the heart, I colored my sketch of myself and outlined the stars I doodled in pink and blue. Once the bell rang and the class began to pour out of the room, I quickly turned it in face down so that the only person who would end up seeing it would be the teacher. Lance walked out of the class with me and it turned out that we had the next and final class together too.

   We were the first two in the class, so we had access to any seat we wanted. I sat at the table directly in front of the whiteboard and Lance followed me, sitting right next to me. Once the class filled, I could tell this would be a much noisier class than the last one. Class started and a few minutes passed by before the teacher finally stood up from his desk and introduced himself and the basics of the class. He didn't give us anything to work on yet, so the class chatted among themselves as he took attendance. I just listened to the conversation Lance was having with his friend who had seated himself across from Lance at the table. I was so absorbed in Lance's voice that I almost missed when the teacher repeated a name that I dreaded hearing and my throat felt as dry as a desert.

   "Is she here?" the teacher called out after repeating the name a second time.

   Lance was the one to respond. "It's Keith. And _he's_ here."

   The teacher looked at who Lance was gesturing to, me, and eyed me up and down, piecing things together. He nodded and scribbled out something on his attendance paper and noted what Lance told him, "So you're here and you go by Keith?"

   I nodded and allowed him to continue taking attendance.

   Lance leaned over to me as he spoke, "I hate hearing your deadname almost as much as you do. Are you sure you can't get the school to change the name that shows for you?"

   I shrugged. "I could, but it's too much of a hassle. We're graduating in like, 5 months, so what's the point?"

   "Wouldn't your diploma have your deadname on it and not Keith?" Lance pointed out.

   "Shit, you're right..." I muttered. "Maybe I should get them to change it then."

   Lance folded his arms across his chest and let a proud grin spread on his face. "I know I'm right."

   I rolled my eyes at him. How was this the guy I had such a huge crush on?

   Throughout the rest of the class, Lance joked about pretty much anything he could think of. It made me forget about how nervous I was. Lance always had a way of making me feel better, although I would never admit that to him. He would never let me forget about it and he'd act even more arrogant around me, if that were possible.

   Eventually, I stopped caring about the fact that Lance had a girlfriend. I was happy enough being just his friend, even though I did wish I could be something more. Sure, I always felt a bit jealous every time I saw them together, but she made Lance so happy. If Lance had a smile on his face, so did I, even if I felt like absolute shit just a moment before seeing it. I felt guilty about wishing for their break up once I actually met her because she was so friendly towards me. She was perfect for Lance, so if I couldn't be with him, I'm glad someone like her could be.

~★☆★~

   I gasped for air and my limbs trembled violently. I had ran and kept running, not even thinking about where I would go. My boyfriend's house, I assumed, but I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going. Everything in me told me to sit down somewhere and take a break. My aching, constricting chest was practically begging for a break, but I continued to move on, walking instead of running now. I wiped what tears I could manage from my eyes before shoving my hands into the pocket of my hoodie. I stared at the sidewalk as I moved my legs, wondering why everything just had to go wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to have my birthday over spring break and then get my life together as the adult I had just become. I wasn't supposed to have my life fall apart.

   As I tried to fight back more tears, I could hear a car pull up next to me. That was never a good sign and although I could be in danger, I didn't care anymore. If I was about to be murdered, it might as well just happen. I prepared myself for an attack as I continued to slowly walk. What I didn't expect was hearing a certain voice.

   "Keith? Is that you?"

   I turned around and brought my eyes to the source of the voice. Lance stood by the passenger seat of the car that had just pulled up, the door hanging open and told that he had just now gotten out of the vehicle. His eyes widened when he saw my reddened eyes and tear stained face and he turned to speak to the person in the driver's seat, "Hold on, I need to talk to him."

   At this point, I avoided even looking at him as he moved towards me. I didn't want him to see me like this, but it was already too late.

   He placed his hands on my shoulders and even though I refused to meet his eyes, he talked to me softly, "I knew I recognized that mullet. Hey, are you okay? What are you doing out here?"

   It was obvious that I wasn't okay, so I couldn't lie to him. "I... I can't.. I don't know if I can talk about it."

   "Well, I don't want you standing out here in this heat, especially with that hoodie on. Come on, get in the car," he pleaded as he grabbed my hand.

   There was never a point in fighting Lance, so I followed his lead to the car. He closed the passenger seat door and opened the door to the back seats, letting me in before jumping in himself. He leaned over and buckled my seat belt for me, to which I raised an eyebrow at.

   "Where are we taking him?" the woman in the driver's seat asked, who I could only assume was Lance's mom.

   Lance stared at me and whispered, "You don't want to go back home, do you?"

   I shook my head and Lance told his mom to just drive us back to their house and he'd figure it out from there. Once she pressed her foot back on the gas and continued driving, Lance places his hand on my shoulder, circling his thumb on it to calm me down. He didn't say a word nor did he expect me to say anything. All he did was give me a gentle expression as he allowed me to contain myself.

   Eventually, the car pulled into their driveway and Lance guided me out of the car and into the house. It wasn't until we stepped inside that the realization that our hands were tightly interlocked struck me. I was, in a strange way, glad that he found me crying because otherwise, my red face would probably raise suspicion. He lead me upstairs and into his bedroom before finally releasing my hand. As we stood there, I became more aware of the crushing pain in my chest and I turned to face Lance.

   "Would you mind stepping out for a minute? I need... I need to take something off," I asked weakly, gesturing to my chest.

   He nodded, understanding what I meant. "Yeah, sure. Make yourself comfortable, dude."

   I waited until he left the room and swung the door shut before grabbing onto the hem of my hoodie. As I pulled it over my head, I could hear his footsteps head downstairs. I paused for a moment, thinking of what he was doing. I rid myself of thoughts of Lance and focused again on what I was doing. I dropped my hoodie onto Lance's bed and started to work on taking my shirt off as well. Having no intentions of putting the shirt back on, I shoved it into the hoodie's pocket. I brought my hands back up to my chest and carefully began to remove my binder. As soon as it was off, I felt some relief, although it was still ridiculously sore. I put the binder along with the shirt and put the hoodie back on. I glared at my chest, feeling slightly thankful that the hoodie was baggy enough to hide the fact that I was no longer flat.

   I sat on Lance's bed and observed his room. It was surprisingly cleaner that I expected and only had a few piles of clothes and loose papers here and there. There were various posters hanging on the wall with subjects ranging from video games to cringey movies to outer space. Most of the room was decorated with various shades of blues, browns, and off whites. There was a shelf filled with a couple stuffed animals, tons of figurines, and a few awards that Lance had earned. There were also framed family portraits scattered throughout the room. All of it was so very  _Lance_ and for some reason, it gave me a warm, comfortable feeling. It was such a welcoming area and I felt like I belonged there. As my eyes trailed over the photos in the room, seeing how Lance grew up, I spotted two that were side by side. The first was a group picture of him and his group of friends from Freshman year. I didn't know Lance back then, so I didn't even try to pick myself out of the group because I knew I wouldn't be there. But the picture next to it made my heart flutter. This one was just two people, not a group. Lance, of course, was in it, but the other person pictured was far too familiar. It was a face that I saw every morning in the mirror. It was  _me_. The photo showed Lance with a soft small next to me, with dark hair covering a lot of my face and I wore a faint frown. My thoughts began to scramble to figure out why Lance would even have that picture displayed in his room.

    A knock on the bedroom door pulled me out of my thoughts. "Is it okay for me to come in?"

    "Yeah," I replied.

    I watched as the doorknob twisted and the door slowly crept open. Lance entered the room and joined me on his bed. He handed me one of the two water bottles he carried in his arms. 

    "Thought you might want something to drink. Crying in that heat probably has you dehydrated," he explained as he took the cap off of his bottle and chugged the whole thing.

    Lance was right, so I opened the bottle and let a few drops slide down my throat. The sensation of the water splashing against my dry lips felt so soothing after all I went through earlier, so I didn't even bother to wipe away the remaining liquid on them with my sleeve. 

    "Hey, I know you said you didn't want to talk about it, but I'm worried about you, Keith. I know you're an edgy boy, but even you wouldn't run away and cry in public. What happened?" Lance asked.

   Instantly, all of the pain from earlier that I managed to push away came flooding back. My eyes watered again and as dry as my throat was, I forced myself to tell Lance, "He died. My dad... he's dead. And they want me to move in with my mom. I can't... I can't go through that again. I just can't."

   Lance's eye widened. "Oh my god, Keith. I'm so sorry."

   After hearing his words, I lost all control of the emotions I had been trying to hold back. Tears escaped my eyes in large amounts and I found myself gasping for air again, making hideous sobbing noises. Suddenly, my head was pulled to Lance's chest and he wrapped his arms around me tightly. He kept me close to him, even as I began to soak the front of his shirt with my tears. He squeezed me, trying to stop me from shuddering in his embrace, and ran his fingers gently through my hair.

   "I'm sorry. It's gonna be alright. I won't let them make you live with her. We'll figure something out, okay? You'll be safe, I promise," Lance said softly, attempting to soothe me. "God, Keith, I hate seeing you like this. You're never like this. I'm so sorry. You're gonna get through this."

   ~★☆★~

   "Jacob Matthews."

   I lifted my head up and straightened myself in my seat. They were finally at the M last names. It was a strange feeling, seeing all of the faces that I had spent four years with at the school. These were my classmates, some of which were my friends. But I was only there in that gymnasium for one person. I was planning on coming for him, even before he asked if I would attend.

   "Lance McClain."

   My eyes locked onto the person now walking across the stage. His gown fit him awkwardly. It was obviously at least two sizes too big for his lanky figure, but that didn't stop him from radiating in confidence as he waved and grinned brightly at the wildly cheering crowd, his own family undoubtedly making the majority of the noise. After receiving his diploma, he held it high in the air and pointed proudly to it, only making his family roar louder. For a split second, even I considered cheering for him, but seeing the distance between me and his family made me realize that I'd just be an odd one out. Far too soon, Lance made his way off the stage and the crowd began to settle down and prepare themselves for the next name to be called.

   Their graduating class was rather large, so the ceremony seemed to drag on forever after Lance's name was called. Eventually, it ended and the now former students began to meet up with their friends and family. As soon as I spotted Lance, I quickly made my way towards him, almost breaking into a jog. Somebody else beat me to him and was now being spun around in his arms. His girlfriend, of course. I stopped dead in my tracks and watched as his family begin to gather around him, congratulating him. His face was beaming as he received all of the praise. As he gave quick hugs to as many members of his family as he could, his eyes darted through all of the surrounding people until they landed on somebody in particular. His face lit up even more.

   "Keith!" he shouted happily, escaping his grandmother's embrace and making his way towards me. "You're here!"

   My heart skipped a beat. "Yeah, of course I am."

   "I'm glad," he smiled and I could have fainted right then.

   "I'm proud of you. I just wish I could have been up there on that stage too," I told him.

   He shook his head. "Dude, as much as people are making a big deal out of this, it's nothing. Graduating under my circumstances is ridiculously easy. I'm more proud of you. Come on, you didn't even have to be here, and you're still here. You've gone through way more than I have. Who cares if you don't get a dumb piece of paper? So what? Your experiences are worth way more."

   "I'm just a dropout. That's nothing to be proud of," I shrugged.

   Lance rested an arm on my shoulder. "The coolest dropout! Don't sell yourself short, Keith! You're just barely 18 and you already have a job and an apartment of your own. You're still going to college too! What difference would a diploma make?"

   "A shitty job with an equally shitty apartment," I pointed out. "And I'm only going to college because of my short time in the foster care system."

   Lance rolled his eyes. "You're always doing that, downplaying yourself. This is our night, Keith! We should both be proud of how far we've come. Be proud of yourself."

   "I'll try," I said.

   That was good enough for Lance to accept. "Even if you won't, just know I'll  _always_ be proud of you."

   Lance's arms were wrapped around me now and I didn't have enough time to react before he separated from me. His younger sister was now by his side, tugging at his gown, and girlfriend stood next to her.

   "I guess it's time for me to get going now. Let's keep in touch, alright?" Lance said as he slowly backed away from me and moved towards his family.

   I nodded and at that, he took hold of his girlfriend's hand and ran with her to the rest of his family. I noticed then just how hot my face felt after being in contact with Lance. Things were better now, weren't they? Maybe Lance was right. Maybe I should be proud of myself.

 ~★☆★~

   "Here you are, sir. Just for today and tomorrow, correct?" the receptionist asked as she handed me a copy of Lance's ID card and a map of the school.

   "Yes, thank you," I replied.

   "Okay, please enjoy yourself then! Don't get into any trouble, though. I'm really not supposed to allow this, but Lance talked me into it. Your friend really has a way with words," she explained.

   "That, he does. And you won't have to worry about me, I'll behave," I told her and looked over the map, locating where Lance instructed me to be.

   She waved to me as I headed out of the main office's doors and wandered around the campus. It was a bit colder than I was used to during spring, but it also felt refreshing. The school was away from large cities, so the air was clean and easy to breathe. There were brightly colored plants all around and it was almost hard to believe that this was a college and not a luxurious hotel. After navigating the campus, I found myself at the dorms. I repeated the dorm number in my head as I searched for it.  _43, 43, 43_. Finally, I stood in front of it and swiped the copy of Lance's ID card in the allocated spot. 

   The door unlocked and I slowly made my way into the room. Nobody was in there right now, which Lance had said would probably be the case when I arrived. I examined the room. There was a very obvious split in the room, making the difference between the living habits of the two residents. One side was decorated in lots of blues and grays and had a couple posters and printed out memes pinned to the wall. Photos lined the dresser on that side of the room and there were small piles of clothes, assignments, and water bottles. One the other side of the room, there were much brighter colors, including yellows, oranges, and greens. It was a little sloppily put together, but the floor was clear and tidy. A desk had a couple magazines on it as well as a small rock collection. On the wall hung between the two sides was a large whiteboard that had plenty of doodles covering it and a few mathematical equations. In the center of it in large blue writing was a message clearly intended for Keith.

    _Hey buddy!_

_By time you get here, we'll both be in the lounge, so I decided to leave this for you. Just leave your bags if you have any on my bed (I'm sure you can figure out which is mine). We have a mini fridge at the end of Hunk's bed, so if you brought any drinks or snacks for yourself, you can leave them in there to save them for later. Bathroom is to the left of the entrance if you need it. When you're ready, meet us in the lounge. Even if you get lost, you should be able to hear it from all the noise. Can't wait to finally see you again! :)))_

_-Lance_

   After I finished reading the whiteboard, I moved to the side of the room that had the bed with blue sheets and a Spiderman print blanket. He was right about figuring out which was his. I dropped my one drawstring bag onto it and searched the room for the mini fridge that was mentioned. Once I found it, I place my half-empty water bottle inside. I returned to Lance's bed and sat on it, digging through my bag to find my hair brush. I ran it through my hair and while I was doing so, I glanced at the photos on the dresser. They were the same pictures I had seen years ago in his room. My eyes stuck on the picture of him and I from high school. I couldn't believe he still had it and had it proudly displayed after all these years. I also couldn't believe just how round and feminine my face used to be. It was almost sickening to me and I'd have to remember to tell Lance to get a new picture to replace it. I snapped my attention away from the picture and put my brush back into my bag. I entered the bathroom to check myself in the mirror before finally leaving the room.

   I made my way down the hall, trying to remember the directions to the lounge. As Lance as said in the message, I was soon able to hear a variety of loud voices and music playing over them. I was going the right way. I sped up a little bit, eager to see Lance. As I approached the lounge, I slowed down my pace and stood in front of the door. I knocked roughly on it, making sure that it could be heard. Not even a minute passed when the door opened and I was met with a very familiar face.

   "Keith!" Lance exclaimed. "Oh, it's actually you this time! I can't tell you how many people I've accidentally called Keith today while waiting for you."

   My knees began to tremble slightly. Lance had been waiting for me? It seemed like he was right by the door the entire time, not even enjoying his own party.

   "Oh my god," he continued. "You look so... different! In a good way! You look more like yourself than ever. That testosterone has worked wonders for you. I see it didn't do anything to fix your hair, though. Still rocking that stupid mullet, huh?"

   As he rambled on about my appearance, I was captivated by his. His eyes were the same bright, mesmerizing blue that I remembered. His features were sharper now, but still recognizable as Lance. His hair was longer than he had it in high school and he had it slicked back. It suited him well, I thought. Along his jawline was a hint of stubble and I almost had to stop myself from reaching out to feel it. That would have been weird. I rolled my eyes at his last comment and said, "Nice to see you again too, Lance."

   "Okay, yeah, sorry. I bet you'd like to actually come in though," he laughed a little and then turned around to announce, "Hey guys! Keith's here!"

   Somebody had arrived by Lance's side and I wasn't surprised at who it was. Hunk and Lance had been best friends for the longest time. Hunk gasped as he saw me and exclaimed, "Keith! It's really you! I can't believe it, it's been so long."

   "Yeah, I know," I replied. "Almost three years. I was worried you wouldn't recognize me."

   "If Lance didn't say it was you, I probably wouldn't," Hunk admitted. "Wow, you look like a whole new person. At least your hair is the same."

   "Well, let's stop hanging out in the hallway, come in," Lance interrupted, eager to get back to the party.

   They both lead me inside and I really didn't expect there to be so many people. It shouldn't have been that surprising since Lance was always pretty popular. Yet I was still overwhelmed by the amount of people that filled the room, all dancing, chatting, drinking, and overall enjoying themselves. 

   Hunk nudged my shoulder and pointed to a cooler that was placed against the wall. "There's drinks in there if you want any."

   Lance's eyes widened when he heard Hunk and he spun around to face me. "Shit, Keith, you're still underage, aren't you?"

   I shrugged. "I'm almost 21. My birthday is next week. It shouldn't be too big of a deal. Plus, I don't think I was planning on drinking, anyways."

   "Oh thank god," Lance sighed in relief. "You don't know how much trouble I went through trying to make sure everyone here was actually above the drinking age. I, Lance McClain, am  _not_ the guy to throw illegal parties."

   "Mhmm, sure," I replied.

   Lance gasped dramatically and placed a hand over his heart, pretending to be offended. "You don't believe me?"

   "No, I believe you, I just don't believe them," I told him as I gestured towards the crowd of people in the lounge.

   "Don't you worry! I knew some people would try to lie to me, so I checked their IDs!" Lance stated proudly.

   "You're kidding?" I said in disbelief.

   Hunk shook his head and backed Lance up, "He's dead serious, man. I watched him do it. He told me he has a reputation to maintain and he can't risk any troublemakers ruining that for him."

   "Reputation?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

   "He didn't tell you?" Hunk questioned, grinning at the now flustered Lance. "Lance is vice president of the student government."

   "Vice president, huh?" I repeated, matching Hunk's grin. "What happened to high school you that said being in a leadership role for school groups was... how did you describe it? 'Nerdy and lame'?"

   "Huuunnkkk," Lance whined. "He wasn't supposed to know that. I knew he wouldn't forget what I said about it! I've changed, Keith, I've changed!"

   "Alright, so you've changed. So why not president? Surely you would go big or go home," I pointed out.

   Hunk was the one to answer. "He tried to run for president, but he lost to an 18 year old sophomore!"

   Lance narrowed his eyes at Hunk. "It's not fair! Pidge is a super genius! She probably hacked the election, too."

   Hunk laughed and I couldn't help but join him, leaving Lance in his moping state. He soon perked up, however, when the song changed. Hunk and I both knew what was now playing and paused in our laughter, glaring at Lance.

   "Make fun of me all you want, but I still remain the king of this song!" Lance stated. He then leaned towards me and spoke quietly, "Hey, I know you don't know the majority of the people here, so you can follow me around. You won't have to socialize if you don't want to. But just know that I am dancing to this and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

   As soon as he finished his sentence, he moved to the group of people dancing, joining in and swaying his hips to the rhythm.

   "Somebody should tell him that Shakira is so outdated by now," Hunk mumbled beside me.

   I didn't register what he said. I was too focused on following Lance's movements with my eyes. The way he moved his hips was hypnotizing. He was like a magician and I was lost under his spell. My chest fluttered and the feelings that I had buried down for the past three years had come to surface.  _Holy fuck_. Lance was absolutely gorgeous and I didn't know how I could handle it.

   "Um, hello? Earth to Keith."

   I broke out of my stunned state and jerked my head towards Hunk, who had his eyes locked onto me.

   "Dude, Keith, are you blushing?" Hunk asked.

   "What? No!" I replied, throwing my hands up to feel my face. My cheeks were ridiculously hot and Hunk was probably right about his accusation. I avoided his stare and looked back at Lance. I wanted to get away from Hunk, but my knowing my impulsiveness, I was about to put myself in a more awkward situation.

   And that, I did. I pushed my way into the crowd and placed myself in front of Lance, who gave me a confused look. I began to move my hips, attempting to mimic Lance, although I knew I could never come anywhere close to his skill. Lance let out a small laugh and grabbed my arms to direct me. Once he thought I had a hang of the moves he briefly taught me, he let go and we both continued to dance on our own. 

   "I can't believe you're actually dancing!" he said to me. "You didn't even dance at Homecoming."

   "I guess I've changed too, then," I smirked at him. He smiled back at me and I could feel myself getting so heated up that I could have melted into a puddle on the dance floor.

   The song ended and switched to a different one, this one more recent. A girl shoved her way to Lance, grabbing him by the arm and shouting something I couldn't understand, and dragged him with her. Not wanting to be alone in the crowd and having lost sight of Hunk, I followed the two. She brought him to a group of couches that circled a table that was cover with filled up shot glasses.

   "I got Lance!" she announced. "Does anyone else want to play?"

   "I'll play," I said, not even knowing what I was getting myself into.

   Lance looked at me and immediately responded, "Keith, you don't have to if you don't want to. You can hang out here anyways. I know you don't want to drink."

   From that, I could tell what kind of game this was. A drinking game. It'd be fine, wouldn't it?

   "No, I'm playing. I want to," I insisted.

   "Alright, let's start!" the girl said and found a spot on a couch. Lance sat down too and I found a place on the couch across from him. 

   Once all four couches were filled with players, the girl began talking again. "Okay, I'll go first. Let's start off with something simple. Never have I ever ditched school."

   Oh, this game. Great. What had I gotten myself into? Most of the players reached for a shot glass and downed it, myself and Lance included. The taste of the alcohol left me wanting to gag, but I did my best to control it. I didn't understand why people even liked the stuff. As the game continued, I began to get used to the taste, although I still didn't like it too much. After a couple of rounds, one of the girls playing realized that the couple sitting next to her were targeting her, listing things that they knew she did when it was either one of their turns.  Once it came to her turn, she decided to get even.

   She looked directly at the couple as she spoke, "Never have I ever wanted to kiss somebody who's playing right now."

   They both groaned at her, but my attention wasn't on them. My heart skipped a beat as my eyes darted to Lance. Oh shit. I didn't want to reach forward and grab a glass, but I couldn't just lie. God, I couldn't even remember how many time I've wanted to kiss him. I slowly shifted to grab one. The couple had both grabbed their glasses and quickly drank them, but nobody in the group was paying attention to them anymore, not even the girl who sought out revenge. Their eyes were on the two other people who had grabbed a glass: me and... Lance. My hands began to shake as I gulped the drink down at the same time as Lance. I set the glass down and looked at Lance, who was covering his face with his hands. I then glanced around the group, wondering who it was that Lance had wanted to kiss at some point. As I tried to piece it together, my thoughts were interrupted by the next player.

   "Oh my god, hold on. It's my turn. I've got a good one," she declared happily as her eyes shifted from me to Lance. "Never have I ever wanted to kiss Lance."

   All eyes were on me now and I could feel it. I should've lied last round. I should've. I couldn't lie now. They'd probably question me about who it was. I avoided making any eye contact with Lance as I leaned forward and grabbed another glass, gasps erupting from the players. I wanted to sink into the couch and disappear from existence. 

   "I knew it!" the girl shouted just as happily as before.

   The guy next to her had his eyes fixed on Lance instead of me, causing me to look up at him as well. His face was tinted heavily with a dark shade of red. For a second, I thought that maybe it was because he had too much to drink, but then I had a second thought.  _Oh my god_. The guy had probably figured it out like I did, because a grin grew on his face.

   The guy pointed to me now. "What's your name?"

   "Lance said it was Keith earlier!" the girl who dragged him over her said, not even waiting for me to answer the guy myself.

   "Okay, it's my turn now. Never have I ever wanted to kiss Keith," the guy spoke casually.

   The group shifted their focus to Lance now. I was glad to have the eyes off of me, but I felt terrible for Lance. He looked so flustered as he straightened his posture and took a deep breath. It made sense to me now.  _once upon a time I had a crush on you too_. It was me. Lance confirmed it when he grabbed a shot glass and poured it down his throat. The group broke into chatter, although I didn't listen to them. Lance and I just stared at each other, both furiously blushing.

   "I dare you to kiss him, Lance!" somebody shouted. 

   "For at least 20 seconds!" somebody else added in.

   The crowd starting chanting different things, the two most common being "Do it!" and "Kiss!" and more people gathered to see what was going on. Lance stood up walked around the table, crouching down in front of me. He grabbed me by the shoulders and looked right into my eyes.

   His eyelids lowered as he spoke to me, "I'm sorry. I won't make you do this. I'll get them to stop if you want me to."

   "I..." I started, but became distracted by how close he was to me. His lips were inches away from my own, and man, did they look so soft.

   "Keith?" he said, the scent of the alcohol in his breath burning in my nostrils.

   Maybe it was an impulse. Maybe it was the influence of alcohol. Maybe it was just pure desire. Whatever it was, something made me lean forward and touch my lips against Lance's. My eyes fluttered shut and I let myself focus. Focus on how I was right about Lance's lips being soft. Focus on the sting in my throat from drinking. Focus on the way my stomach flipped in a mixture of nervousness and excitement. Focus on how the sounds of the crowd didn't register to me more than a hushed ringing in my ears as I lost myself in Lance. Focus on how this was something that I had wanted so badly for so fucking long. 

   Lance wrapped his arms around my neck and ran his fingers through my hair, gently pulling at it. I had my hands at his waist and tugged at his shirt, desperate for him to be closer to me. Even after pulling him onto my lap, he still wasn't close enough. I wanted more of him. More, more, more. Lance must have wanted the same because he deepened the kiss pushing himself closer to me until we couldn't possibly get any closer in our current position. I felt him lick my bottom lip and I didn't hesitate to part them and allow his tongue to slip into my mouth. There was an initial clash of teeth, but we eventually found our rhythm. He quickly began to explore, filling my mouth with a stronger taste of alcohol and a hint of something sweeter. At this point, I was burning up as if I had thrown myself into a fire, yet I was enjoying every second of it. If Lance ignited my fire, then I'd gladly remain in flames for him. I lead my own tongue into Lance's mouth and intertwined our tongues, ablaze with passion. A small moan escaped from the back of my throat and at the sound, Lance pulled me deeper and deeper into the kiss. At some point, our lips separated and Lance leaned back slightly, a trail of saliva hanging from our lips. He brought up his arm to wipe his mouth and then rested his hands on my chest. It was only then that I realized how out of breath I was and noticed that I was practically panting. 

   I stared up at Lance, whose face was still hovering above mine. His lips were swollen and wet from the kiss and his pupils were so dilated that there was only a ring of blue that surrounded the black. His face was somehow even redder than before and I couldn't even begin to imagine how I must have looked.

   The sounds around me finally filled my ears. The crowd that I had temporarily forgotten about was cheering and hollering. It struck me that I had many, many pairs of eyes watching as I made out with Lance. Holy shit.  _I made out with Lance_. I looked back at Lance. He had a dazed look on his face with the corners of his mouth lifted ever so slightly. I began to wonder what Lance was thinking about, because my thoughts had gone wild. I just full on kissed the guy I have been so madly in love with for the past three years and it left me breathless. Sure, I've kissed others like that, but none of those people were Lance. It was never like this.

   Lance finally came back into reality and laughed, "Wow."

   Wow was right.

  ~★☆★~

   I slumped against the mini fridge and took small sips from my water bottle as Lance dug through his dresser. We stayed at his party for another hour, pretending that our heated kiss never happened, before Lance noticed how exhausted I looked and offered to go back to his dorm. Of course, as we left, the others that witnessed the kiss whistled at us and made jokes about us "getting it on", but we tried to pay no mind to it. I had already changed into something more comfortable for sleep (a loose T-shirt and sweatpants) and was now waiting for Lance to change. Lance made a sound of triumph and slammed his dresser shut.

   "Found it!" he said, holding up a pair of pajama pants. 

   He didn't even move to the bathroom to change. Right in front of the dresser, he stripped himself of his shirt and jeans and slipped on his pajama pants over his boxers. Without meaning to, I stared at his brown chest, a bit out of jealousy over it not having any scars and a bit because... well, he looked amazing. He turned towards me and I quickly looked down to make it seem like I didn't just have my eyes glued to his body. 

   "I'll put on a shirt if you want me to," he told me.

   "Uhh, I, yeah," I replied, my voice cracking a bit.

   Even though it didn't actually tell him anything, he took a hint and pulled a tank top over his head. Once he was dressed, he sat in front of me with his legs crossed.

   "Should we talk about what happened at the party?" he asked.

   "I don't know," I shrugged. "Do you want to?"

   "Yeah," he gulped.

   Lance tugged at the bottom of his pants as an attempt to calm his nerves. Fuck, he was nervous. This probably wasn't going to be a good conversation. My heart was racing now. 

   "You really didn't have to do that. I could've gotten out of it. I hate that I put you through that in front of so many people," he began.

   I forced my voice to form a response. "It's fine, Lance. Really."

   "Do you remember back in high school when I told you that I had a crush on you?" he asked, avoiding eye contact.

   I nodded and took another sip from my water, wondering where he could be going with this.

   "Well, I, um, I still like you. A lot," he confessed, rubbing the back of his neck. "And I was kinda hoping that you'd kiss me and you did and I really enjoyed it, but I still feel really bad about it."

   I almost choked on the water. Here we were, both of us alone in the same room together, both of us single for the first time since the day we met. I wanted to pull him into me and kiss him again, to let him know that I felt the same. Everything was lining up perfectly. I liked him. He liked me. We kissed. It was all falling into place and I felt like I was dreaming. But this was real life, I know it was. This was happening, wasn't it? I thought so.

   And then Lance continued speaking.

   "It's really dumb of me to expect you to still feel the same way about me after all this time. But, it really doesn't matter, because either way, I know it's not going to work out. You live hours away from here. Your college schedule doesn't always line up with mine. It's taken us three years to just meet up with each other," he explained. "Long distance, it doesn't work well for me. It's why me and my girlfriend broke up. I couldn't make it work. I've tried long distance multiple times before. I just can't handle it."

   My stomach churned and I felt like my heart had been shattered into pieces. No, no, no. That's not how it's supposed to go. It couldn't. I blinked a couple times, processing Lance's words. I couldn't find it in myself to reply, I just took it all in. As much as I hated to admit it, maybe Lance was right. It wouldn't work out. I knew how needy and clingy I could be in a relationship. I doubt I could handle the distance either. But god, I wanted to be with Lance so bad. I wanted it since the day I realized I was in love with him. And against all better judgement, I still wanted it more than anything. 

   "Are you sure? Is there any way you could make it work?" I asked.

   Lance raised an eyebrow at me. "I'm pretty sure, why? Do you... do you still like me?"

   I nodded. "I never stopped, honestly."

   He buried his face in his hand and let out a long, deep sigh. I watched him carefully as he rubbed his thumbs in circles on his temples. 

   "God, Keith, now I feel even worse. I was hoping you didn't and that I could just vent about it and get over it. I wish it could work, I want it to, but I know already that it won't," he finally said. "The most I could give you is being your boyfriend until you leave tomorrow morning."

   "Fine, let's just do that," I replied instantly.

   "What?" 

   I repeated what he said, "Let's do it. I'll be your boyfriend until I leave."

   "Are you serious?" he said, obviously shocked.

   "Lance, I'm dead serious," I told him.

   He took a few seconds to ponder the idea. A smile spread on his face and he leaned in really close to me as he whispered, "If that's the case, then I guess that I can do this."

   His lips lightly brushed against mine for a short amount of time. Not long enough. Lance had taken the liberty to drape his arms on my shoulders as he stared intently at me, the tips of our noses grazing each other. His eyelids were lowered halfway and his eyes were full of longing. His eyes observed me carefully, enjoying all of my features and picking out every individual freckle that dusted my skin.

   "I might still be a little drunk and might regret saying this later, but you're like, seriously the hottest person I've ever met," he told me, his voice slightly deeper than usual which had a greater effect on me than I would care to admit.

   My cheeks felt like they were on fire. I watched as Lance's eyes traveled down my face directly to my lips. He ran his tongue across his own lips, hungry for contact. I was starving for his touch just as much, so I couldn't stop myself from tugging at the sides of his tank top, urging for him to come closer. He received the message clearly and crashed his lips back into mine, sloppily at first but soon caught onto a rhythm. He broke apart the kiss again, this time leaving separate kisses along my jawline. His fingers tangled into my hair as he worked his way down and placed kisses on my neck. He would stop to suck on a spot that he just kissed, not hard enough to leave behind any marks, but enough to bring out a soft sound of pleasure from me. He returned back to my lips and I was more than happy from the contact. This time, it was my turn to ask for entrance and as soon as my tongue touched his bottom lip, Lance opened his mouth enough to let me in. I ran my tongue across the back of his teeth, enjoying the way he shuddered in my arms. He guided his hands down my back until they found themselves at the hem of my shirt. They went under it and his fingers began to trail the skin on my back, sending shivers down my spine. 

   "Mm, Keith," Lance moaned and I swear, I felt like I could spontaneously combust right then and there.

   All I could think of doing was to kiss Lance deeper. I grabbed the sides of his face to tilt his head at just the right angle. My tongue danced around in Lance's mouth, enjoying his taste. He let out more small moans and I wished that I could stop time and live in that moment forever. The moment, unfortunately, was ended when music started playing from Lance's phone and he pulled away to grab it. 

   "Is that... a song from the Care Bears Big Wish movie?" I managed to ask between my heavy breaths. "I can't believe you."

   "Shut up, you can't make fun of me if you know where it's from. It's my ringtone for Hunk. He's calling," he retorted, and answered the phone.

   I sat back and tried to catch my breath. My heart was pounding rapidly and my lips were wet and throbbing from all the action. I looked up at Lance who was blushing furiously as he held his phone to his ear.

   Even as he spoke, I could tell he was just as breathless as I was, and I was sure that Hunk noticed too by how embarrassed Lance's expression looked. "Hey Hunk? What, no! We were.... that doesn't matter! Why did you call me? Oh, okay. I'll let him know. Hunk, no. Ugh. We're not even going to -- fine, I'll tell him. Bye, see you Sunday. Goodnight."

   Finally, Lance hung up. Care Bears... what a mood killer. 

   "Sorry about that," Lance apologized. "Hunk said he's staying with his sister over the weekend and he just left the party, so he said you can sleep in his bed if you want. Or... you could sleep in mine."

   I rolled my eyes at him, "Lance..."

   His eyes widened when he realized the implication of his words. "Wait, shit, no. Not like that! I meant it in a completely innocent way, I swear."

   "Alright, I believe you. What else did Hunk want you to tell me?" I asked.

   Lance's face reddened even more and he mumbled something quickly.

   "What was that?"

   He took a deep breath this time. "He... said to make sure I use protection."

   I tried to stifle my laugh, but it escaped anyways. "Oh my god."

   Lance did his best to hide his face from me as he stood up to turn off the lights. "I'm going to bed now. Didn't you say you were exhausted?"

   "I was until you had your tongue down my throat," I said with a smirk. "I'll still sleep though."

   He plopped onto his bed and pulled the covers partially over him. "Make your decision now so I know if I can spread myself out like butter."

   God, Lance was such a dork. I made my way over to his bed and laid down in it so that I faced Lance. Even in the dark lighting, I could see his smile grow larger.

   "Good choice," he said softly.

   He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer so that my face was buried in his chest. I moved my own arms so that they were positioned at his waist. He began to comb his fingers gently through my hair and I never realized just how nice it was for somebody to play with my hair until now. It so calming and it made me feel safe and at home.

   "Goodnight, Keith," Lance whispered as he gave me a quick peck on my forehead.

   "Goodnight, Lance."

   I let myself look at Lance one more time before I closed my eyes and shifted my body so that I was even closer to him and out legs intertwined. I really did wish that this night could have lasted forever. It was everything I wanted and everything I couldn't have after tomorrow morning. As I felt Lance's chest rise and fall with his every breath and heard his heart beat in a steady rhythm, I began to drift away. The last thing I remembered before I fell asleep was hearing a couple words come from Lance's mouth, although I'm not too sure if it was part of my imagination or if it was reality.

   "I love you."

~★☆★~

   He was there with me the next morning as I got into my car. His expression was a strange mixture of happiness and sorrow. It was hard to understand, but I felt the same way. That was it. It was over now.

   "I guess this is it," Lance said as I opened the door to the driver's seat. 

   "Yeah, I guess so," I replied, staring at the ground. 

   "Yesterday was probably the best day of my life," he admitted. "It sucks that it has to end."

   I nodded and Lance took that as a sign to throw his arms around me and squeeze me tight. He gave me a soft, gentle kiss before pulling away completely.

   He avoided looking at me as he spoke, "We're officially broken up now, huh?"

   I didn't have to say anything. We both knew that this was happening. 

   "Let's keep in touch more, okay?" Lance suggested and I agreed.

   I watched as he waved goodbye as I began to drive away from the campus. My eyes watered slightly, tears threatening to start flowing. I had to agree with Lance. Yesterday had to be the best day of my life, too. 

   He was there in my head for the full three hour drive back to my campus. The events of yesterday played over and over again in my mind and I wanted to be able to relive them once again. Maybe we could start over again someday if our paths crossed again. I decided to be hopeful.

   He was there in my hand on the ID card I forgot to return. As I laid on my own bed in my own dorm, I stared at the photo of Lance on it, appreciating all of his beauty. I thought about how lucky I was to have been able to fall asleep next to that face, even if it was only for one night. The eyes in the photo were eyes that I got lost in, the jaw in the photo was a jaw I cupped my hands around, the lips in the photo were lips that touched my own. It was all so weird to think about, but I loved that all those things were true.

   He was there in my heart for days, weeks, even months after I left him. Sometimes, I couldn't help but think, maybe, just maybe, Lance could've been the one. If timing were better, maybe we could have been together. Maybe we could have gotten married someday and start a family. Maybe he was the one that I wanted to see everyday when I came home. My thoughts were often occupied with those ideas. Occupied with the ideas of Lance. Lance and I, together. Every once in awhile when I was left alone in my room with nothing to do but think, all I could manage to think about was what could've been.

**Author's Note:**

> Hahaha... yeaahhh.... Like I said, extremely disappointing. Hopefully it was still enjoyable, though! This was made purely to vent about things, so it's probably not that good, but I hope you guys like it anyways. Thank you so much for reading this!!! <3


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